Trauma

The word "Trauma" is defined as "a deeply distressing or disturbing experience". This word has come up a lot recently in discussions about mental health - mainly in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is most commonly seen in veterans who have been in combat zones and experience multiple traumas on a daily basis. Some other professions that PTSD is commonly seen in are EMT's, firefighters, police officers and medical personnel. While their cases are usually the most severe, any person can experience a traumatic event at any given time. A few days ago, my fiancee and I went to pick my mom up to take her for dinner. Normally, we always take my vehicle (BMW X-3) when we drive with my mom. Since Andrew drives a big, lifted Ford F150, we didn't want to make her have to climb up into the car. For some reason, this time, Andrew was insistent on wanting to take his truck. We drove to my mom's house and picked her up (she had no trouble at all getting in the truck) and headed off for dinner as we have done many times before.

We approached a stop sign on a road at the back of her neighborhood (Lexington Road for anyone local who knows the area). The road we wanted to turn onto was PA-501 which runs north/south - we were facing east waiting to turn left and go north. There was a vehicle across from us heading west - she had approached the intersection first so she had the right of way. Lexington road has stop signs, but 501 does not so you need to watch closely before pulling out. As we sat and waited, the vehicle across from us (a GMC Yukon) starts to go... but apparently she did not see that there was a Jetta on 501 heading south. I had just finished saying "what is she doing?" when the Jetta slammed into the passenger side of the Yukon, redirecting the Yukon straight into us. I'll put a map below that will give you a visual of the roads.

After the impact, we were all shaken but okay and got out of the truck. Andrew ran to the driver of the Jetta and got him out of his smoking vehicle. He brought the man to us, told us to call 911 and keep the gentleman awake and talking. Andrew then ran over to check on the occupants of the Yukon while I sat on the ground holding this bleeding, disoriented man who was writhing in pain. After I called 911, my mom and I were talking to him and doing our best to keep him alert. At one point, he didn't respond to me or move and I almost had a panic attack thinking that he had died. He didn't, thank God, but I think he was just so out of it from the impact of the crash and his airbag. A few other drivers stopped to see if they could help. There happened to be one man who was a doctor, and another who was an off duty EMT. Both brought their first aid/medical kits with them and helped me with the injured gentleman until the ambulance arrived. Little moments like this remind you that there are so many good, kind people out there. Within minutes, ambulances, police cars, fire police and fire trucks had arrived and were securing the area.

The scene felt chaotic and it didn't seem like it was real. My adrenaline had kicked in to high gear right after I got out of the car. It wasn't until a few hours later that I actually had a moment to think about what had happened and I just started crying. If we had been in my car, we wouldn't have been able to walk away like we did. I couldn't stop thinking about what could have happened to us, especially Andrew because he was closest to the impact. The thought of something serious happening to Andrew or losing him only a few years after I lost my dad was so upsetting to me. I also thought of my mom. She was in the back seat on the passenger side, so she would have been the least likely to be hurt, but if we were in a smaller car and been seriously injured, she would have had to see that. My mom has already had to see some things that are unimaginable- she was the one who heard and then found my dad. What if she would have had to see her child and soon to be son-in-law injured or killed?

I know you could just say, "Jerilyn, none of those things happened, so don't think about it" and I've tried saying that to myself many times. There's something in me that just keeps thinking about every single detail of what happened and replaying it over and over. We basically watched it happened and it was so fast that there was nothing we could do to avoid it. Literally in the wrong place at the wrong time. One minute we are sitting at a stop sign waiting for our turn to go and the next minute we get smashed into by a Yukon. The impact ripped Andrew's axle right off the car - the Yukon actually came to rest on top of his tire. I'll put some pictures below, but look at where the Yukon hit our truck and think about what that impact would have been like on a smaller vehicle.

I am by no means saying that I am suffering from PTSD, but I think I now understand just the tiniest bit how one event can really mess with your head. I don't want to sit and obsess about it, but I do. I have had trouble falling asleep every night because I just lay there replaying the scene in my head. I've had headaches for the past few days. It sucks. I can't imagine what it feels like for people who have experienced multiple traumas, or have seen war, explosions and death. Andrew has dealt with PTSD personally from his time in Iraq and he has worked at nonprofits that are for veterans who are struggling. Helping people who have experienced trauma is close to his heart, and it will definitely be more on my radar now. If one car accident can have this effect on me, what must it do to first responders, police officers, firefighters, nurses etc. who see these things on a more regular basis? This accident could have been much worse, but I am grateful to God for keeping us safe. 🙏🏻